We all want to be the hero of our own lives: brave and fearless. And rightly so.
But what is bravery? What does it look like? Does fear have any place in a centered, courageous life?
When you think of someone who’s afraid, what do you imagine? Someone cowering, timid, and scared? Someone who can’t seem to move forward, too frightened to make a decision? We’re taught that fear is weak and undesirable. But is it? Are fear and bravery exclusive of each other?
I don't think so.
Fear can be a gift. It can help us be honestly heroic, rather than reckless or fool-hearty. Rational fear has its place. It can keep us safe.
Just sayin'.
There's a common adage, which I love...with a caveat. Feel the fear and do it anyway. The power in this thought lies in the idea of recognizing our fear but not letting it dictate our actions. Good plan. Most of the time. (Here's the caveat.) Rational, well-grounded fear is the guardian of our physical, mental, and emotional safety. I'm afraid to walk alone through a dark alley in a bad part of the city late at night. It would be pretty stupid of me to go with the feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway motto in that situation. Sometimes it's best to feel the fear and NOT do it.
If we listen to our fears, aren't we letting them control us? Not necessarily. So, how do we find the healthy balance of weighing our fears without giving them too much power?
Case in point: one of my sons is looking at buying a business and leaving his current job where he has full benefits, including medical coverage and a retirement plan. He’s married and has a young family. Obviously, this is a huge financial decision with serious, possibly life-long implications. Of course, there’s going to be an element of fear, terror even, involved in making this choice. There should be, don’t you think?
How can he make his fear work for him? By allowing himself to recognize it and hear/feel it without judgment, then determine if heeding that fear would be beneficial or detrimental in that moment.
He could say to himself, "Be brave. Suppress those limiting thoughts. I shouldn’t be afraid. People go into business for themselves all the time.” But that wouldn't be honoring his whole self and it's never wise to ignore our inner-knowing.
Instead, he can consider those fears, evaluate them, and after saying in essence, “Thank you fears, for keeping me on my toes and encouraging me to look and listen closely before taking action,” he can then, with complete integrity, make a more genuine choice – not letting his fear decide, but letting it have its say, so to speak.
By recognizing it’s a good thing be fearful sometimes and being grateful that we are, we invite the fearful part of ourselves to be on our personal board of directors where it belongs rather than trying to silence it or giving it too much power.
This is how we can live an authentically courageous life. Bravery isn’t lack of fear, it’s knowing how to manage it.
Now, go be brave - not fearless, but heroic, nonetheless.