As was mentioned last week,
Our next few posts will cover some helpful principles in moving from a changing-myself mindset to a rediscovering-myself mindset.
Let's start by asking a couple of questions.
What can we change?
If we're not actually changing ourselves, what are we changing?
Habits – The routines which shape our day to day life are powerful tools in sculpting the kind of life we want to have and are changeable.
Thoughts – Our thoughts and thought patterns can be more challenging, but it's doable.
Actions – We can coach basketball one season but not the next. We can make a phone call we've been neglecting to make. Different actions are easy to choose.
Beliefs – As we learn new things, our beliefs naturally evolve.
Responses – If we aren't happy with how quickly we get frustrated, or lose our temper, or fail to speak up appropriately, we can make a different choice for how we'll respond in any given situation.
Outlook – Are we pessimistic? We can become optimistic. Are we fearful? We can develop courage. Are we discouraged? We can nurture hope.
Appearance – No need to even comment on the many ways we can do this. All these things are within our power to change, but none of them are us. They're things about us.
What can't we change?
Our past – experiences, thoughts, habits, actions, beliefs, responses, outlook. This may not be a very popular thing to say, but our past is our past, and no amount of wishing or working can change that. Does that mean we're forever stuck there, trapped by the effect it's had? No. All it means is our former experiences, responses, thoughts, etc., are a done deal.
Even though I don't now believe Santa is an actual person, I can't change the fact that I believed it when I was four years old. What's done is done. What happened happened – good, bad, or otherwise. We can look at it from a fresh perspective and move forward with a healthier view and in that way change the impact it has on our present and how it may affect our future, but our past is set.
Here's the good news. We are not our past. It has unquestionably shaped our attitudes, beliefs, current habits, and such, but it's not who we are. It's what has happened and how we responded. The way we've reacted in the past has colored our experiences and contributed to how we are in the present. We can't change the effect it's had on us before this moment, and in that regard, we can't leave it behind. We can only take it with us and use it to its best effect.
Would we really want to change any of it, even if we could? It's made us who we are, given us a chance for growth. Even the hardest things we've gone through, maybe especially the hardest things we've gone through, have had a part in bringing us to where we are. That's not such a terrible place to be, is it? Worst case scenario – we're at rock bottom in our life. At that point, we would be wise to remember the words of J. K. Rowling,
"Rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."
(Harvard commencement address, June 2008)
Our future – It hasn't happened yet; there's nothing to change. Saying we can change our future is saying that it's already set – and it's not. We can change our trajectory and the likelihood of what may happen if we don't change our direction. But a trajectory isn't set in stone; it's a possibility.
Who we are – Our spiritual selves, who we are at the center of our being, the real us – this pure, unadulterated, perfect self can't be touched by mere mortal influences.
So, if our goal isn't to change ourselves but rediscover our true selves, how can we begin?
Step 1 – Be willing to take every part of us into the future.
Can we stop berating, ignoring, and trying to hide what we see as the less than perfect parts of ourselves? Can we appreciate that everything in our past can serve our desire for self-improvement? Can we listen to and believe our innermost voice when it tells us we're okay and trust that our life is giving us a tailor-made education and serving the highest good?
Our first step in uncovering and rediscovering who we really are is recognizing, acknowledging, and accepting ourselves where we presently are. As we allow all of ourselves, not just the parts we like, into the present and future, we can find the value in every aspect of us and our experiences and learn how to use the strengths of each part to our best benefit.