I think we’ve all heard the argument about whether it’s better to follow our heads or our hearts. Our heads are logical and theoretically keep us from making the mistakes our irrational emotions might lead us into. Well, thank you very much Mr. Spock, but our passion lies in our hearts, and life without passion is, well, lifeless.
Each of us naturally leans one way or the other, and often we simply don’t understand people in the opposite camp and spend too much time rolling our eyes at their way of thinking.
Which way is better? Is one way better? If so, is it always better? Should “head” people try to become “heart” people? Or “heart” people “head” people? Imagine the mess either of those options would cause.
I hope it’s evident that balance between the two is optimal. A college student operating solely from their heart, without the rational self-discipline the head could provide, wouldn’t be very successful if their heart wasn’t in doing their homework or attending classes. On the other hand, another student firmly dedicated to their logical intellect may get good grades, but they could miss out on much of the richness of college life if the more heart-centered things like social activities and dreaming of the future were ignored.
So how can we find the sweet spot that balances the two?
We can find some balance from outside ourselves. My husband and I are pretty typical in this area, meaning that he’s more head-centered and I’m more heart-centered. Seeing the need for balance allows me to step far enough away from my pie-eyed optimism to appreciate his pragmatism.
We were house shopping recently, and I told our realtor that I’m the one who looks at a property and sees all the possibilities it holds, and my husband is the one who looks at it and sees the realities of how much work it would take to achieve those possibilities. In other words, I see what can be. He sees what is. I’m more likely to say yes, and he’s more likely to say no. By going back and forth between my yeses and his noes, we’re able to come to a balanced decision about what will serve us best. It’s a beautiful partnership. Left to him, far too many wonderful chances wouldn’t even be considered. Left to me, there would be too much embracing of possibilities with potentially disastrous, or at least unpleasant, consequences.
While having a friend or loved one who can offset us is a blessing, it’s even more helpful if we can develop the ability to do that within ourselves. But, how?
The answer to that lies in considering a third part of ourselves that’s too easy to overlook: our spirit, or what some may call our gut instinct or inner-knowing. We have to listen harder to hear from this side of us because usually, it speaks more softly than our head or our heart. It’s like that quiet, wise friend who often doesn’t offer advice until you ask them for it.
Our spirit is the part of us that always wants, and I believe knows, best for us. It’s the part of us who can hear our head saying “Don’t eat the brownie”, “Take the job offer”, “Refuse the proposal,” and hear our heart pleading, “Eat the brownie”, “Don’t take the job”, “Accept the proposal,” and weigh it out. It can note all the items on our pros and cons list and determine what we really need regardless of how many things are in either column. Sometimes it defies logic. Other times it resists passion. It’s the third leg of a three-legged stool – head, heart, spirit – that provides balance and stability.
It’s the voice of our inner-knowing – and we can trust it.
I’ll tell you this – the surest way to happiness, to peace, to deep contentment is to let our head, our heart, and our spirit all have a say in the path we choose.