We all experience times when friends, classmates, coworkers, or family members get crazy and stir up unnecessary drama. I think we all know at least one person who lives in Drama Town where there’s always something to be riled up or hurt about or some imagined injustice to be fought. Don’t get me wrong; there are some things worth getting riled up about and real injustices worth fighting – just not as many as some people think.
There are two kinds of drama: the real kind that’s a natural part of life sometimes and the fake kind that people create themselves. In this post, we’re talking about manufactured drama. It can be easy to get sucked into it. Some people have even built careers around glorifying drama (Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, I’m looking at you.). It’s just not healthy!
So, what can we do when someone tries to hand us a ticket on the 4:15 to Drama Town? Here are five ways to recognize and sidestep the crazy.
Recognizing drama –
1. Heightened emotions – Think about someone you know, or know of, who lives the life of a drama queen or king. Now consider how often they’re upset, angry, or going off about something or other. It doesn’t even need to be something affecting them. It can be someone else’s situation they’re emotionally jumping into.
Our emotions can be a powerful force for good but not if we allow them free reign, unchecked by the balancing effect of our logical side. When it comes to recognizing drama, a good place to start is by assessing the emotional charge to determine if it’s justified or needlessly amplified.
2. Unnecessary urgency – Whenever someone comes at you all in a panic it’s wise to take at least a second to assess whether the situation is worthy of all the hubbub. A telltale sign you’re entering Drama Town is when everyone’s in a dither, and a calm, cool mindset would be more effective.
3. Victim mentality – When someone refuses to find their personal power or take accountability when it’s due and chooses instead to live life as a victim, check their driver’s license. I guarantee you’ll find their address is in Drama Town.
4. False sense of sides to be taken – People who view life through an “us against them” or a “me against the world” lens create barriers that don’t need to exist, barriers which lead to, yep, unnecessary drama.
5. Near constant need to fight against something – It’s a great thing to be a fighter when fighting is what’s needed. It’s a waste of energy, not to mention bad for one’s health, to live in fight mode when acceptance, surrender, or simply letting go of a situation would serve best.
Now that we've identifies what drama may look like, what can we do?
Stepping away –
1. Develop “Drama Radar” – We need to recognize drama before we can choose out of it. There’s no need to get judgey about the people creating it; that only causes our own unnecessary inner drama. Simply identifying it so we can intentionally choose how to deal with it is sufficient.
2. Engage your brain – As mentioned earlier, drama feeds on emotions running rampant. A calm, analytical approach can often provide the water that will quench flames of crazy. Take a breath. Evaluate. Choose your response. Act.
3. Just because they’re selling it doesn’t mean you have to buy it. – Enter the fray if you feel that’s best, but do it from a position of power. Drama is reactionary. The best way to deal with it is not to join in, but to choose your response carefully. Remember, act; don’t react.
4. Remind yourself, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” – This Polish proverb is my all- time favorite phrase for reminding myself what business my nose belongs in and what business it doesn’t.
5. Permit yourself to walk away. – Sometimes people are firmly committed to their drama. They don’t want resolution. In those cases, it’s okay, even wise, to opt out.
Unnecessary drama is an addictive waste of energy. It’s not healthy, mentally, physically, socially, or spiritually. If our associates, friends, or loved ones seem to live in Drama Town or visit it from time to time, let’s have the wisdom and courage to invite them to leave. If we find ourselves heading for its borders, let’s stop and choose to stay in the lovely hamlet of Sanity. We can serve our highest purpose much better from there.