Does this sound familiar? You crave chocolate (or bread or cheese or any other food you think you shouldn’t eat). You tell yourself you can’t have it. You’re craving intensifies. You argue with yourself, giving yourself a list of reasons you shouldn’t eat it. You’re not giving in this time. You’ll win this battle of wills. The food starts to demand so much of your thought you’re bordering on obsession. You “give in,” if for no other reason than to stop the noise in your head. Releasing all that pent up energy results in overeating or even bingeing. Now, instead of peace you feel guilt for “failing.”
I am formally inviting you to get off that crazy train.
No, that won't be necessary. I’m inviting you to walk away and make peace with food.
Deprivation has psychological effects. It sets us up to rebel. It creates increased desire, to the point of obsession sometimes. When we do it with food, it can look like this -
Outlawing foods – Putting foods on a Will Not Eat List. I doubt I even need to say much about this. If you think having such a list works, I have one question for you: How has it worked for you so far? It’s not you that’s the problem here. It’s the list.
Deprivation and Guilt see-saw – Picture a see-saw with deprivation sitting on one end and guilt on the other. As deprivation goes up and up then reaches the top, we give in and eat whatever we were denying ourselves – and probably in greater quantity than we would have otherwise. Then our deprivation heads back to the bottom, which means our guilt is heading up to the top. When it gets there, we vow to “get back on track” and stay away from the “bad” food. And we’ve started the cycle all over again. Sounds super enjoyable, doesn’t it? Real life see-saws are lots of fun. This one is just ridiculous. Let’s get off of it and stay off.
But how?
Give yourself unconditional permission to eat what satisfies you.
WHAT?! Is this woman crazy? If I give myself unconditional permission, I’ll never stop eating! I tried that once and it was a disaster. I knew if I had even one Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie, I’d eat the whole sleeve and I did. If I kept on with that philosophy, my diet would probably consist mostly of things I shouldn’t eat, not healthy stuff, that’s for sure. I’ve proven many times that I can’t trust myself when it comes to food.
The Ho-Ho Experience
I know, I know. I’ve thought and felt all those things before, too. Honestly, I’m still working on this, but let me tell you a story.
Ho-Ho’s. To me they’re the poster child for foods with no redeeming value. They’re as processed as a food can be. Their chocolate coating must be 80% wax. Their cake is ridiculously dry. And that crème? What kind of real cream could ever have a non-refrigerated shelf life that long? I don’t even want to know what’s in it.
But I loved Ho-Ho’s anyway. They were a joy from my childhood. I loved peeling off the chocolate and eating it first. Then I’d play the game of trying to unroll it bit by bit and when I had nothing left but the very center, I’d finish it off in two or three bites. Ho-Ho’s were a staple item in my parents’ keep-the-kids-quiet-while-we-drive-across-the-United-States tool kit. (This was in the days before DVD players and satellite radio in cars and stuffing kids’ chatty mouths with food was key to preserving a parent’s sanity on a long drive.) Ho-Ho’s were vacation food and that upped their appeal big time.
When I was growing up Ho-Ho times were happy times. Literally. Every occasion that included those little rolls of wonder was filled with good memories – family vacations, playing outside with my sister and neighborhood friends, having a sweet snack after a long day at school. Needless to say, I had a hard-core emotional attachment to Ho-Ho’s.
When I got older and realized what I was putting in my mouth with these creations, they earned one of the top spots on my Will-Not-Eat list. After that, I took many a ride on the deprivation/guilt see-saw with Ho-Ho’s. I tried giving myself permission to eat them “reasonably,” but there was still that little voice in my head telling I shouldn’t do it. I knew if I let myself, I could have binged on Ho-Ho’s like nobody’s business.
It wasn’t until I was able to give myself honest to goodness unconditional permission to eat them – no judgment of their value or lack thereof, no emotional attachment, seeing them as simply another food option (easier said than done, I know) – that I realized how unappealing they are. Now, they hold a lovely place in my memory and I haven’t eaten one in I don’t remember how long – not because I’ve mastered my willpower with them, but because I’ve had no desire for them. At all. I’ve made peace with Ho-Ho’s. And you can, too, well, with whatever is your version of them.
How?
In Intuitive Eating, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch suggest this plan of action. –
Steps to making peace with food:
Pay attention to foods that are appealing and make a list of them.
Put a check by the foods you actually do eat, then circle the remaining foods you’ve been restricting.
Give yourself permission to eat one forbidden food from your list, then go to the store and buy it, or order it from a restaurant.
Check-in with yourself to see if the food tastes as good as you imagined. If you find you really like it, continue to give yourself permission to buy or order it.
Make sure you keep enough of the food in your kitchen so you know it will be there if you want it. If that’s too scary, order it from a restaurant or make a trip to the store to buy it as often as you want it.
Remember to honor your hunger as you continue to go through steps 3-5 with various foods on your list. Feel free to adjust this process to whatever works best for you. The end goal is to tear up and burn your Will Not Eat List.
You’ll find your trust in yourself increasing as you go through this process. If you have a lot of different foods you’ve been restricting, you probably won’t need to go through all of them before you really get that you can eat what you want. Then their stifling power is gone. Doesn’t that sound heavenly?
If this idea of allowing ALL foods sounds like too much for you right now, that’s okay. It’s all good. If what you’re comfortable with is simply considering these ideas, then stewing on them for a while. That’s major progress in a weight/size/diet obsessed culture. You’ve lived a lot of years immersed in a restrictive mind set when it comes to food. The consequences of that don’t get undone overnight.
I promise you can trust yourself and make peace with food. It may take a while to get there, but not only is it possible, it’s a big step toward getting off the crazy train and walking away.
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE - Consider the ideas in this post and if you're up for it, start on step 1 of the steps for making peace with food.