If you’re like the vast majority of people, you have an inner food/eating critic, also known as Food Cops. You know, the one who has an opinion on every single thing you eat or even think about eating? Sometimes we have to deal with external Food Cops, too. It’s exhausting, really.

Our internal cops say things like –

• You shouldn’t have eaten that; it’s after 7:00 p.m..

• 10-15 nuts should be enough to tide you over until dinner. If you’re stomach’s still grumbling, tough it out.

• That salad dressing has too much fat. Don’t eat it.

• You haven’t exercised enough today to eat that cookie.

• You just ate an hour ago; you can’t be hungry yet.

• Sugar has no value and is harmful. You need to cut it out of your diet.

• You are out of control.

External cops might think they’re being helpful when they say things like –

• You’ve gotten too skinny. Here, have more spaghetti.

• Are you sure you want that dessert?

• I thought you were on a diet.

• Come on, one piece of cake won’t hurt. Aunt Becky made it special for today.

• Oh, I don’t eat meat (or fat, or carbs, or sugar, or whatever. These statements are made with a judgey voice or look.).

• Those pants are getting a bit tight on you, don’t you think?

Well, you know what? FOOD COPS DON’T HELP, and it’s high time we get sassy with them.

No need to get nervous about ignoring or talking back when your inner cops are talking nutrition. We’ll go into that more later. To start with, it’s essential to learn to listen to our hunger and fullness cues and focus on prying ourselves free of the dieting mentality with all its rules.

Two kinds of sassy

Not good sassy – The Rebel persona

It’s not hard to get so sick of being told what to do or not do that we want to rebel – even if it may be us telling us what to do (and it honestly may be in our best interest). We all have a part of us that’s still four years old and wants to put our hands on our hips and say, “You’re not the boss of me.”

This isn’t helpful sassy. This is prideful, unhealthy sassy.

Good sassy – Honoring hunger and fullness cues instead of rules

When internal or external Food Cops start yapping at us, it’s time to turn on the sass. When they say, “You just ate an hour ago; you can’t be hungry yet.” We can say right back, “I’m aware of when I last ate. I’m also aware of how to determine my own physical hunger cues. I’m hungry. I’m having a snack.” Or when they remind us to clean our plate and not waste food, we can tell them our health is more important than a clean plate, and we’re not going to overeat just to keep from throwing away a few bites of food.

Not only is it okay to politely speak up for ourselves, it’s vital that we do. No one gets to decide what we do or don’t eat except us. We are the ones who have a right to determine how we feel about our body, no one else. When other voices, either external or internal, insert their opinions, it’s our right, and I’d even say our duty, to stand up for ourselves.

Helpful voices – Anthropologist/Scientist, Compassionate friend

There are some helpful voices, too. These voices are observant without being critical or bossy. They’re supportive without coddling.

One sees our eating choices in a detached but interested way. It gives food no power or emotional charge. Evelyn Tribole and Elise Resch call it an anthropologist. I like to think of it as a scientist, too. The anthropologist studies; the scientist experiments and notates. By adopting that approach to our eating habits, we can learn what truly works for us and serves us best. If we can give ourselves the unconditional permission to eat what satisfies us that we’ve talked about in earlier posts, we can unleash our inner anthropologist and scientist. We can observe and experiment with our eating without all the traps we used to set for ourselves around food. We can notice when we’re stressed and want to eat all the M&Ms that a few deep breaths, a short walk around the block, or two or three savored M&Ms really can soothe while chomping down two or three handfuls of candy isn’t so helpful.

Another helpful voice is that of our inner compassionate friend. When we’ve stuffed ourselves way beyond full or buried our emotions with food, or made any other eating choices that don’t serve us well, it’s too easy to berate ourselves, saying things we would probably never say to anyone else.

It’s past time to give that harsh, unforgiving voice its red card. Kick it completely out of our game. Instead, let’s work on being the kind of friend to ourselves that we are when we’re at our very best with others.

By learning to shut down the Food Cops and cultivate our inner Anthropologist/Scientist and Compassionate Friend, we go a long way toward having the peaceful, healthy relationship to food that we want. One of the most powerful three-word sentences I know is this –

Food cops and critics don’t give much grace, if any. But you know what? We all make mistakes. We do and say thoughtless, inappropriate, even mean things sometimes. Can we give more grace? Even to ourselves?

THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE – Recognize and get sassy with your Food Cops.

Week 1 – 3 Cultural Attitudes to Challenge

Week 2 – What is Intuitive Eating?

Week 3 – Honor Your Hunger

Week 4 – Make Peace With Food