“Trying to bend our will to that which is helpful strengthens the ego. In letting go of those things that are unhelpful, we free ourselves from the ego. Same intention, different outcome.” Headspace
I came across this thought on my Headspace app and gained a saw new dimension to the power of moving toward, not away from things. It’s great insight, especially at the time of year when many people are setting goals, priorities, and directions for themselves. It’s easy to fall into the “I’m going to make things happen” mindset.
Will is a force, an energy. It’s called willpower for a reason. Trying to bend it causes tension, fight, struggle, and requires a considerable amount of effort and control. Using our will to control a situation is embodiment of the ego. It may work, but we haven’t used the opportunity to train the mind.
We can fight against something negative (unhelpful thought), OR we can embrace something positive (helpful thought).
If we are to practice this, we have two jobs: identify a thought as helpful or unhelpful, and choose to engage with it or let it pass.
Some Examples
Food choices – Let’s say you decide to honor your body by making healthier food choices. When you’re faced with leftover birthday cake, donuts in the break room, or an open bag of greasy, salty chips, and you have the thought/impulse to eat what you don’t actually want, trying to bend your will to that which is helpful (making healthier food choices) might go like this. –
You see the tempting item, and the thought comes, “Ooo, I want that.” Then the internal warfare begins.
“I don’t need that, and I promised myself I would control myself.”
“But my mouth is watering just thinking of it.”
“That’s nice. Have some self-discipline, would you?”
“I’ll just have a little taste. That won’t hurt anything.”
And on and on it would go until we give in, exhaust ourselves with the constant battle, or triumphantly walk away…this time (only to face another struggle sometime soon). Can you see how making ourselves adhere to the “rules” we set up (bending our will to the helpful thing) puts us in a fight response? This approach is stressful no matter the outcome.
On the other hand, letting go of that which is unhelpful might look like this. –
“Ooo, I want that.”
Then, rather than engaging with the idea, we simply recognize it as merely an unhelpful thought and let it go. Any thought only has the power we allow it. It’s just a notion, not a command. Think of how this applies to any number of situations: starting a necessary but likely uncomfortable conversation, tackling a dreaded project at home or work, getting yourself to the gym, and on and on.
Same situation but instead of rejecting the food/behavior, we simply notice the desire (recognize it as only a thought) and let it pass. This trains the mind. It frees rather than causes tension. We become softer not more rigid.
One is based on control, one is based on awareness.
So, that’s the deal with unhelpful thoughts. What about helpful ones? As we recognize positive (helpful) thoughts, we’ll naturally choose to engage with them because we realize the outcome will be positive. We’ll be inclined to act on them like we would good advice from a wise friend.
Engage with helpful thoughts. Let go of unhelpful thoughts.
If we can have the presence of mind to take a fraction of a second to identify our thoughts and choose whether to engage with a helpful thought or let an unhelpful one go, we can free ourselves from a lot of stress and free up our energy for much more positive uses.