Twenty-somethings get a lot of grief for a variety of negative perceptions about their generation. Today I want to give them some love by introducing you to the kind of twenty-somethings I know.
Recently my young friend, I'll call her Anna, shared this post that expressed much of what I've been saying about goal setting. With her permission, I share it with you, so you can benefit from her intelligence and insight.
First, though, let me say I'm all for personal progress. Sometimes that's supported by setting clear, specific, deadline driven-goals. Sometimes it's not. Too often it makes it easier to swallow our pride and accept our shortcomings if we have a clear plan for overcoming them, as if we're okay as long as we're aiming for "perfection." But that's a trap. It can steal our authenticity and serenity.
Another wise woman said it this way.
Here's what my friend, Anna, had to say. Imagine what the things would be like if we were all as wise as she is at such a young age. -
This year is going to be different. That was my plan. I wrote up a list of specific goals with deadlines, measurable numbers, and lots of ambition. PLOT TWIST! You want to know what I did with that list? I ripped it up. I wish I burned it!
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There is a place for those kinds of resolutions, but right now they have no place in my life. Goals have become a means by which I withhold self love. Sad isn't it? But I don't think I'm alone in this. I often think things like, "Maybe I can love myself when I lose 20 lbs." Or, "when I'm exercising regularly again, I'll feel better about myself" or "I love who I can become, I just wish I didn't make that mistake. When I stop making stupid mistakes, I'm sure I'll like myself better." That's sad. And I'm tired of loving only the perfect me.
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At the start of every year I'm really good at coming up with really ambitious, yet seemingly attainable goals. Things to work on. But when inevitably I do this thing called being human and make a mistake, it's unforgivable. Because it proves yet again, I'm never good enough.
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So this year, instead, my ONE goal is to Be More Me and Love it. To be more everything that I am. More compassionate, more kind, more crazy, more Christ-centered, more courageous, more empathetic, more confident, more organized, more positive, more vulnerable, more loving, more forgiving, more passionate, just more ME! But most of all, my goal is to love myself while I'm doing it. To love BEING me. Christ loves me as I am. He knows I'm trying, and if that's good enough for Him, shouldn't that be good enough for me? I want this year to be full of making human mistakes, and loving myself anyway. I don't have to become something I'm not in order to feel good about my progress. I don't have to lose weight, get A's in school, get married, eat healthy, or read 5,000 books in order to be happy. I don't have to wait until I cross some future threshold to feel worthy of love. Simply by existing I am worthy of love and belonging, and because of Christ, I am enough.
Here's to a year of being irrevocably myself!
Goals becoming, "a means by which I withhold self love."
"...tired of loving only the perfect me."
"Simply by existing, I am worthy of love and belonging."
See? I told you she's insightful and wise. Let's be like Anna. Let's clearly discern the effect our goals are having and only hold onto those that inspire, empower, and enable us to receive and give love freely.