Do you remember the book Eat, Pray, Love? The author is Elizabeth Gilbert. I listened to a podcast where she talked about how she has spent much of her life since writing that book teaching about following your passion, about finding the thing you're meant to do and devoting everything you have and are to it. We've heard a lot about that over the past several years.
And it sounds like it makes perfect sense. It sounds wonderful. So purposeful and clear.Elizabeth happens to be a person who has known basically all her life what she wanted to do. Writing is her lifelong passion and she's never strayed from that. Her life experience taught her about the reality, the price, and the power of following one's passion.
Then one day after what she felt was a successful speaking engagement where she talked on this subject, - she felt like the audience was with her and that she had been of some good to them - she received a very lengthy response from a woman who had attended that event.
The woman explained to Elizabeth how she had gone to hear her speak in hopes of finding some help, some hope, but now immediately following, she sat in her dark room alone, behind a locked door feeling worse than ever. After many years of hearing about and working hard on finding and following her passion, this woman was completely spent. She poured out her frustration and perceived inadequacy after so many years of searching for her passion saying, "I don't have one. I don't have one! I. DON'T. HAVE. ONE!"
She told how she had many interests that came and went with varying intensity and duration, but none that stuck, none she ever wanted to devote her life to. Now, after all this time, she felt like she was broken. There must be something fundamentally wrong with her if, after all her efforts, her heart and soul hadn't been lit on fire with one burning desire or purpose.
The raw honesty of this woman shook Elizabeth. She reexamined everything she believed and taught about passion. She looked at the lives of her closest, most cherished and respected loved ones and realized not one of them had lived the straight-line, driven to one goal, choose your focus and never look back kind of life she preached as The Way to Live Life.
From this examination, she concluded, "There are two kinds of people in the world," "jackhammers" who have one goal and chip away at it relentlessly and "hummingbirds" who flit about cross pollinating the world, providing great value, and making it a more beautiful place.
Nice conclusion, but here's the thing. The way I see it, there are a lot more than two kinds of people in this wide, varied world. I've lived long enough to see countless different approaches touted as being the way to a fulfilled life - passion driven, purpose driven, vulnerable, high-performing, flexible, highly effective, emotionally intelligent, aligned, joyful, quiet, imperfect, powerful, influential, positive, whole, self-loving, mindful, free of shame, organized, tidy. That list could go on and on and on.
I've talked before about inner wisdom. We all have it. Sometimes it feels like it's buried pretty deep...and sometimes it is. But it's there. It's the key to cutting through all the ideas coming at us and knowing what we need to grab hold of and what to let pass (for now or forever). I've also talked about having all the resources we need.
We can trust our deep inner wisdom to whisper (or shout) to us which resources, which ideas, which paths are for us.
Are you driven by a burning passion? Great! Go with that. Does the thought of burning passion leave you feeling frustrated or exhausted just thinking about it? Then it's likely not your thing. Do you feel the call to sit in stillness? Wonderful! Do it. Does the thought of being still make you want to pull your hair out? Maybe it's not the best idea for you to pursue it. Does living whole-heartedly speak to you? Then do it! If you just don't get it then put it aside for another time in your life.
Be honest with yourself. Listen to yourself. Trust yourself.
I'm reminded of a kind, good-hearted, truly admirable young man I know who yearned to find a real partner in life, to know that kind of love, and to get married. We had a conversation a few years ago where, trying to make sense of the path he was on, he asked me how I met and ultimately married my husband. I told him that story , but then answered what he had really been asking. I empathized with the confusion he felt and said, " I know you probably wonder if you'll ever find her and it's hard to see that end from where you are now. I don't know what your path will look like between here and there, but one thing I do know - once you find her, then you'll see clearly how everything before that prepared you and brought you to each other. You'll be able to make sense of the path when you're at the other end of it." (By the way, he got married last weekend.)
Like my friend, we'll be able to make sense of our path at the end of it. Meanwhile, while we're still on it, we can trust we're living a valuable, worthwhile life as we learn to hear and follow our deepest inner wisdom. Be a jackhammer. Be a hummingbird. Or be whatever else you are.
Again, be honest with yourself. Listen to yourself. Trust yourself.