If you're on Instagram and don't follow beauty_redefined, I strongly encourage you do. This post of their's says a lot in just a few words.
The first time I read this I thought, "Yes!" It seems so simple the way they say it. Take some time to think about it though, and the complexity of the issue shows up.
FOR THE WOMEN -
Did you grow up thinking your appearance was the most, or even one of the most, important thing(s) about you? Whether your answer is yes or no, take some time to ponder what exactly taught you that.
Do you/did you feel like you owe(d) it to others to be as attractive/cute/pretty as possible? What lead you to believe that?
Have you ever received unwanted attention or advances and felt like it was your fault, even though you did nothing to intentionally encourage it? What caused you to think that?
Have you changed your looks either to gain or discourage attention? Where did you get the idea?
FOR THE MEN -
Did you grow up thinking a girl's appearance was the most, or even one of the most, important thing(s) about her? Whether your answer is yes or no, take some time and ponder what exactly taught you that.
Have you ever been disappointed/put off/ maybe even disgusted with a girl if you thought she wasn't putting any effort into being as attractive/cute/pretty as possible? What lead you to feel that way?
Have you been taught that girls/women always welcome attention or advances from boys/men, even when they "pretend" not to? Where did you learn that?
To avoid any misunderstanding, let me clearly state - this is NOT a boys/men-are-boorish-pigs post! This is an ALL-of-us-are-who-we-are-trained-and-conditioned-to-be post. Regardless of how we think this belief system came about, each of us, women and men, boys and girls, have a part in creating the cultural shift needed to solve the problem of females believing - on any level - that they exist mainly for others' viewing pleasure.
How can we create this shift? Obviously, it's a complex issue with no simple fix. Volumes have been and will be written in answer to that question. Let me just suggest a starting point to build some momentum for this fundamental cultural shift.
Let's look at our beliefs about looks.
First, notice, then challenge our beliefs as needed. When we women put our appearance in proper balance with every other part of us, the shift in our energy will emanate from us and create change all by itself. When men do the same, the energy shift will intensify and create even more movement.
I'm not naive; I know transformations of this magnitude don't happen overnight. I also understand it will take more than one or two of us making this shift to create any noticeable improvement. But I also know with everything I am that when I believe and act differently, I make a ripple in my own little pond of influence and because my little pond overlaps with others', real momentum can be created and continue building. All I can do is my part, and I'll do it. I won't let the consideration of how much good I can do determine how much commitment I have to doing it.
To be clear about one more point - Am I against using words like beautiful, adorable, or cute? No, because to me those words have nothing to do with appearance. I realize, though, that I need to be clear with how I use them.
For example, I recently said to an eight year old friend, "You are such a beautiful girl and that has nothing to do with how you look; it's because of the light in your eyes and how you shine." She smiled when I said she was beautiful. Then she absolutely lit up when I continued on and said it wasn't due to her looks, but because of how she shines. She got it that her beauty came from who she is not how she looks.
My hope and prayer is that we can all get it like she did.