Do you feel these statements ring true? Often we speak in code, even to ourselves. I believe when say we want to lose (or gain) weight it really can be code for these feelings and others like them.
We blame our weight for our lack of confidence, lack of self-pride, self-respect, or self-esteem, for our feelings of loneliness, isolation, or unhappiness. The truth is, many of us pin any or all of the things we don't like about our lives or ourselves on our weight.
But how valid is that?
Have you ever known anyone confident, attractive, accepted, or happy who appeared over or under a culturally acceptable weight? Have you ever met someone healthy and at peace with themselves and their life who, according to warped cultural weight standards, "shouldn't" be? These people exist and are growing in number. Their existence is proof weight doesn't have to be attached to feelings of acceptance, attractiveness, happiness, confidence, or peace, and it's not necessarily connected to good health, either.
"But weight bias is a real thing," you may say. "How can I feel accepted, happy, attractive, or any of those other wonderful things when people don't accept me or think I'm attractive? How can I possibly feel good about myself when everything seems to tell me I shouldn't?"
Here's the truth.
For one thing, almost every time, weight is the "symptom" not the "disease." When we address the "symptom," by forcing our weight into a culturally acceptable place, the root cause of our dissatisfaction, the "disease" remains untreated and will show up in other ways.
Secondly, sadly right now our culture is warped and sick in this area. Honestly, I don't know when it will change on a meaningful scale. But I also know the tides are changing and we don't have to wait for anyone's permission to feel the way we want to feel regardless of what society thinks.
You know that Eleanor Roosevelt quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."? It applies here, too. No one can make us feel unhappy, unattractive, or damage our self-confidence without our consent. It's true that sometimes we may have to fight, and fight very hard, to maintain our positive feelings, but we can do it. Our feelings belong to us. They're ours and they're our responsibility.
It's possible to stop giving weight and other people's opinions about weight so much power over our feelings. That power belongs to us.
When we learn to stop blaming weight for things it's not responsible for, we can reclaim our power in this area, find where our real issues lie, and begin to make deep level changes that have long-lasting effects.