Oh, my friends, it's Fall again! Whether the weather where you are is cold enough for snow or hot enough for swimsuits, the holiday season is coming at us with a quickness. Some say as of October first it's already here.
No matter when you think the holidays begin, they bring their own set of
activities - Watch out wallet.
traditions - Hello, pumpkin patch!
emotions - All. The. Feelings.
and food - Oh my goodness, the FOOD!
Since everyone has their own set of activites and traditions, and no two holiday tables are exactly alike, we're going to talk about the feelings. Those we have in common, and sister, is there a single one not felt during the holidays?
Joy, sorrow,
happiness, sadness,
excitement, reluctance (maybe even dread),
connection, loneliness,
relaxation, stress,
abundance, lack,
clarity, confusion,
energy, exhaustion,
organization, chaos,
satisfaction, regret,
contentment, longing
love, and, well, not so much love.
That's a long ol' list and it's not comprehensive. Let's just say the holidays can be wonderful and tricky. So, what can we do to reach the post-holiday season feeling a sense of peace rather than just being glad the prior few months are behind us?
There are lots and lots of answers to that question, but today we'll focus on three I feel are especially powerful and applicable to virtually every situation. (Hint: These tips work outside the holidays, too.)
Tip 1: MANAGE EXPECTATIONS
So often our pain, frustration, disappointment, stress, or anger come when our expectations run into reality. We want, we hope, we expect things to go, or look, or be, or turn out one way and reality ends up going, looking, being, or turning out a completely different way.
If we want our child to be excited and full of joy and gratitude during a day long trip to an awesome pumpkin farm where we get all the perfect Instagram shots, well, maybe, just maybe, we're setting ourselves up for frustration. "But I'm just trying to create good memories," you might think. Well, keep in mind, even if our particular pumpkin farm is one any Hallmark movie would envy, a three year old who missed their nap is just as tired and cranky there as they would be anywhere else; our older kids may not be as engaged as they were when they were younger; our spouse may not find the whole thing quite as charming as we do. And that's all okay. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
So, how do we keep our expectations, no matter how well intentioned, from causing unnecessary frustration or disappointment? Tip 2 is one helpful way.
Tip 2: FOCUS ON FEELINGS
Asking ourselves how we hope to feel and how we hope our loved ones will feel facilitates so much more flexibility than focusing on experiences or activities. I think we'd all agree that some of thing things we want are to feel loved, valued, respected, and heard. When it comes to the holidays, fun, connection, and peace are likely on most everyone's list, too.
When we're focused on feelings, we can more easily let go of details that aren't as important as the people we love. Does what's on the Thanksgiving table matter anywhere near as much as whose sitting around that table? The possibilities for what a deeply satisfying and enriching Thanksgiving might look like are endless. Keeping our focus on the feeling we'd like permeate our time together puts the details in their proper place.
A word about how this affects food and stress -
When we're attuned to our feelings, we find comfort and satisfaction more easily from things besides food. We're more likely to eat in a way that truly nourishes us, body and soul. That's not to say we won't eat the Christmas fudge. It is to say that we're more likely to eat an amount that adds to our contentment, not our regret.
Stress is part of the holiday package for most people. Stress from happy things is still stress. Whether our stress is coming from the fun stuff or the not so fun stuff, remembering to focus on feelings, ours and our loved ones', can help us determine if we can cut back on some things and still have the joyful holiday season we hope for. It can also help us change our attitude as needed. If shopping for a gift is stressing us out, thinking of our feelings of love for the recipient and imagining how they'll feel when they receive it can melt away stress and replace it with warm fuzzies.
Tip 3: BREATHE!
If you've been around here very long, you've probably figured out by now that this is basically my answer to everything. Taking a minute to slow down and take a few deep breaths is like a magic reset button.
Feeling stressed? Take some nice deep breaths, letting the tension flow out of your mind and body as you slowly exhale.
Feeling frustrated? Breathe in some patience and sanity. Exhale the tension.
Feeling down? Deep, slow breathing can quiet your mind and help you hear that voice way down inside you that trusts and reassures you that everything will ultimately be okay, that you'll be okay.
Feeling relaxed? Breathe and bask in the feeling.
Feeling content? Inhale the beautiful feeling. As you exhale name a cause of your contentedness.
Feeling joyful? Stop and breathe it all in, letting it fill up every part of you.
Seriously, taking a minute or two to take a few deliberate, measured breaths allows you to hit the pause button on life and simply be in that moment. When we're fully present like that magic happens. Try it.
My hope for each of us is to have a holiday season (and life) that nourishes and allows us to nourish others.
MANAGE EXPECTATIONS
FOCUS ON FEELINGS
TAKE A BREATH