This post came across one of my social media feeds recently and I knew I had found a sister.
The process of adopting the principles of eating psychology and intuitive eating has required a lot of stepping away for me - stepping away from damaging, inaccurate, and unhelpful thoughts, attitudes and behaviors relating to food, exercise, my body shape/size, and more. I have examined, and continue to examine, many long-held beliefs and my practices resulting from those beliefs. It's still a work in progress - and certainly isn't the fast track. I knew having the peaceful, balanced relationship with food and my body I longed for would require patience. I just didn't know how much.
I've needed to put aside some things I knew were good habits until I could come back to them with a healthier attitude. Gym membership was one of those things. I didn't completely stop exercising, but I cut way back, sticking mostly to walking for the past couple of years.
In the past, my reasons for exercising included, but weren't limited to -
- doing it because I "should"
- atoning for a bout of "bad" eating
- advance "payment" for future "overeating" - think pre-Thanksgiving or birthday
- thinking I was lazy if I didn't do it
- weight loss
- fear of gaining weight
- wanting to reshape my body
- pride in being able to drop the phrase "at the gym today..." in conversation
- because it felt good
- mental health benefits
As you may have noticed, only those last two reasons are solidly rooted in self-acceptance and true self-care. That's why I had to step away for a while - and why I had to be okay with stepping away for however long it took for me to get myself figured out. I knew all along that movement is a wonderful thing and I trusted that I would eventually find my way back to it. But I also knew I couldn't rush the process.
I tried a few times in those couple of years to increase the frequency and intensity of my workouts, but it would quickly trigger some of those old, mentally unhealthy reasons and expectations, so I backed off.
Through it all, I kept walking at least once a week with a friend. Those walks were different. They came from a desire to spend time with my friend and enjoy the outdoors. They were the one type of exercise I could do and stay balanced.
Now that I have more solidly learned to accept and appreciate my body, I have a gym membership again. I'm enjoying the social aspect of group exercise classes, along with the satisfaction of getting my heart rate up on the cardio machines, and working my muscles with weights. Hello, dumbbells, I've missed you.
My workouts are now honest expressions of self-care that bring me joy - and an even deeper respect and appreciation for my body.
If your exercise habits aren't benefiting your mental and emotional health, as well as your physical health, I invite you to rethink them. When it comes to moving your body, my hope for you is that you do it from a place of appreciation for your miraculous body and that it brings you great joy.