This was originally posted three and a half years ago. In light of all we've been through this past year, it felt like it was time for this message again. The pandemic has certainly schooled us in the need for the three skills discussed here.
Sometimes it feels like it’s all just too much: the human suffering due to natural disasters, wars and violence, the tragedy of human trafficking, drug abuse, abusive relationships, loneliness, serious illness, accidents, death. The list could go on and on.
Our hearts hurt for those enduring such hardship. We want to help. We want to care. But all the images we see, all the stories we read or hear on tv, online, in print, or in our personal conversations can feel so overwhelming sometimes. I know I’m not the only one who has from time to time reached the point of feeling the only way to keep my heart and spirit from completely breaking apart, the only way to have any happiness is to stick my head the proverbial sand, locking myself away from it all.
We know that’s not the answer.
We must care. We must connect.
We must treasure and embrace our compassion. As Brene Brown says, “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” (Daring Greatly, pg 7)
So, we can hurt for the suffering of others, or we can suffer from isolating ourselves.
Great.
Is there a way we can maintain, even nurture our compassion without so much pain? Yes, there is more than one way. But how, when the load feels so heavy? There are many tools we can use, skills we can develop which will facilitate our caring while keeping us from being crushed. Today I’ll touch on three of the most effective and powerful.
Skill One – LOOK FOR THE HELPERS
I swiped the name of this skill from Fred Rogers. You know, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood? That Fred Rogers. He has a lovely video you can find here. He tells of how when he would see something bad on the news (or elsewhere) his mother used to tell him to, “Look for the people helping. If you look for the helpers, you’ll always find them.” Just think of all the footage we’ve seen in the wake of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma as an example. We’ve watched images of helpers too numerous to count using every resource they have to assist people they don’t even know, risking their safety, giving the hours and days of their lives with no desire or expectation of receiving anything in return. It’s truly inspiring.
I am a firm believer that beauty can be found even in the most extreme situations. Sometimes we have to look really hard to find it – Saper Vadere - but it can be found.
Another way of saying this is to focus on the positive. While finding the helpers, seeing the beauty, and focusing on the positive may not change the immediate circumstance, what it can do is allow us to find a balance between the hard things and the uplifting things. It’s like a ray of sunshine breaking through on a dark, scary day. It can help us avoid becoming overwhelmed to the point of wanting to turn away and shut it out. This leads to the second skill.
Skill Two – FIND YOUR POWER
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to pursue this talent. So much of our stress, our worry, our heartache, and our pain comes from feeling powerless, helpless. Feeling this way often leads quickly to hopelessness. Hopelessness is the captain of the ship barreling full steam ahead toward disengagement, discouragement, even depression. Once we hit that port, we often get stuck there. It takes monumental effort to get ourselves and our lives moving again.
It is an indisputable fact that we, as beings with agency and will, always – and I mean ALWAYS – have power. In every situation. No exceptions.
Let’s look at the natural disaster scenario again asking, “Where’s my power?”
When Nepal was reeling in the aftermath of flooding so extreme that whole towns were washed away, millions of people were left without food, homes, electricity, and other necessities, what could I do? Some people have the financial means to pick up and get to Nepal. They are the ones with emergency response training, with medical experience, with construction know how, or even just a willing heart and able body to be of use. They are the ones we may see on tv and say, “There are the helpers.”
But that’s not me. I’m not in a position to pick up and go like that. So what can I do in situations like that? Where’s my power? Maybe I can send money to worthy organizations who are helping. Maybe I can make a substantial donation, enough money to feel like I have the power to help. Maybe, though, I’m struggling to make ends meet and can only carve out a dollar or two to send. Then give that dollar or two with a grateful heart trusting that it will combine with the one and two dollar contributions of many others to bless the lives of those in need.
What if I have no skills or time or money to give? Where’s my power then?
Even if we have no other power to meet any given circumstance, we can always consider the ones in need and pray. Take the time to think about what those who are affected need, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and then pray for those needs to be met. Pray to whatever God you worship, send positive energy out into the Universe, whatever speaks to your soul, use that means to show love and concern to our struggling brothers and sisters in the human race.
No one and nothing can ever take that power away from us. And this power is very real.
Skill Three – TRUST
All three of these skills are interwoven and strengthen each other but this last one is the most potent. It’s the “if you can only do one thing, do this” item. It’s where words like surrender and abandon, faith and peace come into play. For most of you reading this, it translates into Trust God. Trust that he has his children in his sights. Trust that he will comfort, guide, and fortify them in whatever ways they will allow. Trust that he is greater than any difficulty any one of us will ever face. Find rest in that trust. Christ said, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
For any readers with other beliefs, have trust in the god you believe in. Trust that the universe is ultimately a place of order and reason. If nothing else, trust that people are strong and resilient, especially when they’re well supported by the love and concern of the rest of us.
When we Find the Helpers, we can see light in the darkness and be inspired to Find Our Power so we will look for the ways we can help. That feeling of empowerment gives place for hopefulness which in turn makes it easier to Trust.
This life was never intended to be a cake walk. Our challenges provide some of our greatest opportunities for growth. Let’s turn toward each other in difficult times. Let’s honor those challenges by facing them together. Let’s keep our compassion so even in the darkest hours we can bring light.
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