OPTING OUT OF OBJECTIFICATION
Beauty ideals and diet culture - "This is a collective issue, which can be addressed only when we think beyond ourselves and our own choices and realize the kind of culture we're creating and reinforcing for generations to come." (More Than a Body, pg 307)
Now is the time to be an example of a woman who shows up and lives and loves authentically. "The world needs women, and not just pretty visions of women... The world is desperate for you to show up now, not ten or fifty pounds from now. Your pain and shame - and the wisdom you've gained from becoming resilient through them - make you more of who the world needs you to be, not less." (MTaB, pgs 307-308)
If not you, who? Who can impact your daughters and sons, your spouses or significant others, your friends and loved ones as profoundly as you can?
"We think our 'now' bodies are temporary impostors and our 'future' bodies are who we really are, when we'll really be complete.
"You can't heal the rift in your identity and reunite with your whole self if you are imagining a future self that isn't even real." (MTaB, pg 314)
Three questions to ask ourselves
1) What do we think we can have with a different-sized/shaped, more "beautiful" body that we can't have now? More fun? More admiration? A better job? More self-respect? More love? More respect from others? More happiness? Take the time to give this question some real consideration. Make a list on paper, on your phone, on your computer, in your head, or anywhere; just make it.
2) How much of that can I have now? Might you be able to have more fun now if you believed the fact that fun is much more about attitude than appearance? If it's admiration, respect, or love you want more of, what would you rather have people admire, respect, and love you for, your appearance or your essence? Is a better job dependent more on your skills and confidence or on your looks? I'm not even going to ask about happiness. I'll straight up tell you; you can have all the happiness a person could hope for no matter how you look. (Barring any mental health issues that need to be addressed separately.) Real happiness comes from inside, not outside.
3) What am I afraid of? Does the idea of opting out of chasing your ideal body/look scare you? That's understandable. And it deserves closer examination. Name the fear. Rejection by your partner or future dating prospects? Possible, but that's true regardless of how perfect you look. Unfortunately, even "pretty people" get divorced, dumped, and cheated on. Does your fear center on being made fun of or criticized? Also, possible. But, that also happens to the most attractive among us. Do you fear feeling like you're giving up on yourself? You might feel that way, but when you can remember that feeling comes from being conditioned by an unhealthy, warped culture, you can get to the truth. The truth is you're really coming back to your real self. You're not giving up on yourself; you're working on your true self, not just your outer self.
DIFFICULT FEELINGS OF OPTING OUT
Opting out of objectification is wonderful and powerful, but that doesn't mean is all fun and games. It's not a path of all sunshine, unicorns, and roses. As the poet and activist Gloria Anzaldua put it, "'Knowing' is painful because after it happens, I can't stay in the same place and be comfortable. I am no longer the same person I was before." (quoted in MTaB, pg 319) The reality is you'll have stuff to work through.
Stuff like -
- fear
- disillusionment
- annoyance
- anger
- disgust
- sadness
- regret
A woman who wrote to Lindsay and Lexie Kite, authors of More Than a Body, expresses it well. She wrote, "When I first started following your work, I caught myself being annoyed with some of your posts. And then I finally realized why it bugged me. The problem was, you were discrediting everything I had been working so hard to accomplish. Decades of crash-dieting, not-so-occasional tanning, image-driven exercise, hair extensions, Brazilian bikini waxes, Invisalign (for already pretty straight teeth), an extensive and expensive wardrobe, eyelash extensions, skin care products to make me look 'younger' (at 23!), the list goes on and on. This all culminated in a consultation for a breast augmentation, therapy for an eating disorder, and deviated septum surgery with some secretive shaping of the nose. All this work and you're telling me it doesn't matter? The thing is, I feel pretty. I like being pretty. And here you are, telling me that it doesn't count for anything? It felt like a put-down. But you are doing me a favor. You are saying you don't care that I'm pretty. You are prying my worthless gold star from my desperate grip. It's like you've opened the door to the cell in which I've been bound and I'm cowering in the corner. One day I realized I had all the tools I needed to escape - I just had to stand up and walk out that door. I had to be willing, to be brave enough, to believe everything else I was - everything else I AM - is enough. So I did. I walked. And I've found that I'm actually pretty good at other things, which is much more fun than being pretty. I run without worrying about my love handles showing, an unflattering photograph doesn't ruin my day, and I get my hair wet. I always get my hair wet. Thank you for what you are doing. I didn't even know I needed it." (MTaB, pgs 319-320)
These hard, "negative" feelings are okay. They're more than okay; they're worth wrestling with and learning what they have to teach.
WHAT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE
Freedom and power and YOU. That's the short answer.
"The objectification you experience in your life can motivate you and remind you to be more of who you are and who you could be. Not doubled, disembodied, and divided, but whole, embodied, and complete." (MTaB, pg 321)
My dear friends, whether you believe it or don't, the world needs you - all of you, the complete, authentic you. From a place of wholeness can you shine the full brilliance of your unique light.
Let's mend the split in ourselves created by self-objectification, living our lives as the one living that life and the one outside ourselves - watching and judging our bodies as we go. Let's pay the price to opt out of objectification in any way we can. Only then can we be truly be nourished body and soul.
Go grow!
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