The scale isn’t our friend; it isn’t our enemy, either. It’s just a neutral object—one we often give way too much power.
If we want to lose weight, we strip down to nothing and step on the scale first thing in the morning after we’ve gone to the bathroom, but before we’ve eaten anything. If the number is lower than last time we checked, our self-esteem goes up, we’re going to have a good day. If the number is higher, our self-esteem takes a hit, we get discouraged, maybe even depressed. If we want to gain weight, it’s the opposite. If the number on the scale stays the same? Well, what kind of stupid answer is that? What are we supposed to think then? If we get down to the bottom-line truth of the matter, for a lot of people the question in their mind as they step on the scale isn’t, “How much do I weigh,” it’s, “How good am I?”
Yikes! Why do we do that? And how can we stop?
Intellectually, we all know the scale is just a scale, a thing, not a friend, or enemy, or anything that has the right to decide our personal value. But we don’t always listen to our brains, do we? Even when they are unquestionably right and make perfect sense. Why? In this case, the easiest answer is that in our society women, and increasingly men, are conditioned to equate our appearance with our value. For women, thin and pretty is the ideal. Think about it (if you haven’t already); by far, the most common compliment, comment, or insult to a girl or woman is about her appearance. By. Far.
We even do this with babies and children, for goodness sake. Just look at the comment thread on social media of any pictures of kids, yours or someone else’s, and see how many comments are about how cute, adorable, beautiful, pretty, or handsome they are. The more militant part of me wants to shout, “SO WHAT? They’re SO much more than cute!” (Okay, I may get a little hypersensitive on this subject – but only sometimes. Haha) The more reasonable part of me realizes that when I dote on how cute and adorable my grandchildren are, it has little to do with their appearance and everything to do with their personalities, their essence.
The thing is though when children hear cute or adorable or other such words, they likely don’t think about personality; they think about looks. Notice how often the words we use as compliments or comments are words regarding appearance, even if we’re commenting on some other aspect of a person. Let the conditioning for appearance=value begin.
Now, I’m not one of those people who think we should never comment on a person’s appearance. We are visual beings, after all. Perhaps, though, we would be wise to be mindful of how often it happens and make an effort to choose more accurate words. For instance, instead of saying, “You look good in that outfit,” or “Nice outfit,” we could say something like, “That outfit is perfect for your interview (or for a day like this, or whatever). It suits you.” The first option compliments their looks. The second compliments them and their choice of clothing.
So, back to the scale. To be clear, I’m not totally anti-scale; what I am is anti-mind games. I appreciate that it can be very challenging to step outside our conditioning. Usually, when I suggest a “scale fast” to someone, they reply with some form of, “Then how will I know how much I weigh?” My question is, “Why do you need to know your weight?” The looks I get in response to that range from -
confusion, having never even considered this idea,
to fear or anger at the thought of cutting that cord, so to speak,
to relief/gratitude at the possibility of the dawning of a whole new kind of freedom.
In most circles, it’s a pretty radical idea to stay off the scale. Did you know you can even ask not to be weighed at the doctor’s office if that messes with your mind? You can simply tell them there has been no significant change in your weight since your last visit, provided that’s true, of course, and decline to step on the scale.
In another post, we’ll talk about things we can use, other than weight, to gauge our health. For now, though, I challenge you to stay off the scale for a week, a month, a year, whatever length of time makes you feel a little panicky. During that time, pay attention to other indicators of your health your body is giving you. If you’re concerned about gaining or losing weight, don’t worry, the fit of your clothes will tell you.
Remember, the most important thing to be comfortable in is your own body.
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