We're diving back into the wisdom taught in More Than a Body. Our topic is "From Self-Objectification to Self-Actualization," found in chapter three. Like when we talked about media influence, we're splitting this topic into two posts. Today we'll focus on opening our eyes to the impact of self-objectification - which isn't a happy topic. But, hold on, because the next week, we'll get some tools for breaking through it and learning to live in self-actualization - which is a happy topic.
What is self-objectification?
"In 1952, the scholar Simone de Beauvoir described this concept by saying that as a girl grows up, 'she is doubled; instead of coinciding exactly within herself, she also exists outside.' Social psychologists Barbara Fredrickson and Tomi-Ann Roberts first named this concept 'self-objectification' in the late '90s, which they defined as 'the tendency to perceive one's body according to externally perceivable traits (i.e., how it appears) instead of internal traits (i.e., what it can do).'" (pgs102-104)
Let me give a few examples. You're sitting on the edge of a pool, and instead of focusing solely on the fun you're having with your friends, part of your brain is concerned about how wide your thighs might look from sitting like that. You're out for a run on a beautiful day, and your thoughts are split between the power you feel as your legs pump and wondering if your backside is not cute in all its jiggly glory. Maybe as you're taking a test or sitting in a meeting, you have trouble focusing your mind on what's important at that moment since you're worried about how your hair looks because it certainly didn't cooperate this morning when you got ready.
Why is it a big deal?
A few quotes to start with -
"Even when we're alone, we body check our appearance in the car mirror, our cell phone camera, or on the store's window reflection, or otherwise simply picture ourselves living instead of just living." (pg. 106)
"In all, 71 percent of the women ages eighteen to thirty-five who participated in our doctoral research very clearly self-objectified without even knowing it. But among those who felt negatively about their bodies, that number soared to 91 percent. And based on the self-reported information of participants of our online body image course, 82.5 percent of women stay home from events or activities, or sit out of opportunities, because of their appearance anxiety.
"...When we live our lives in this perpetual state of body monitoring, we are living passively, being judged and consumed by ourselves and others - not as self-actualized humans actively making choices.
"In these conditions, we stop raising our hands in class and speaking up at board meetings. We sit on poolside lounge chairs fully clothed and overheating, while our kids beg us to hop in the water with them. We opt out of the gym, sports, or PE class because we don't want to get sweaty or red-faced or be seen in an uncontrolled state of movement. We skip parties, put off running errands, delay family pictures and reunions, and hide at home because of our weight, acne, unshaved legs, or clothes that aren't quite right or because we don't have the time, money, or energy to put on make-up or style our hair." (pgs 107-108)
As one of their research subjects put it, "I break myself into bits and pieces every time I look in a mirror. 'These should be higher, this should be flatter, these shouldn't even be here, etc.'" (pg. 110)
Breaking ourselves into pieces. It breaks my heart to read those last few paragraphs and contemplate all the pain, anxiety, wasted energy, missed opportunities, and unnecessary burdens carried by so many girls and women. How much of living have we given up because we were split between the living and the thoughts of how we looked doing it? Too much. Way too much!
"The truth is, being defined by our appearance is the real problem, and the endless beauty work we do to improve our confidence and body image is just a symptom of the problem." (pg. 115)
The harm of self-comparison
You've likely heard the quote, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Well, it's just as accurate here.
"Each instance of self-comparison makes a little cut in our body image life rafts, causing them to deflate. You scroll 153 weeks deep into your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend's Instagram posts. Cut. Ssshhhhhhh. (That's the sound of air deflating from your body image life raft.) You watch your cousin play with the kids at the pool and wish you could wear that swimsuit and look like that. Cut. You flip through group photos you took with friends last weekend and size yourself up against the whole crew, wishing you had posed or dressed differently. Cut." (pg. 121-122)
"But what if you come up on top in comparison to someone else? You'd think being ranked higher would be good for your self-esteem, but that's not the case. Even when we deem ourselves to be higher in the hierarchy than someone else, based on size, shape, skin color, hair texture or style, or any other visible variable, we still lose....We become numb to seeing others as objects in the same way we see ourselves.
"Research shows that women not only feel worse about their bodies after comparing them to others', but also feel less connection and unity toward the women they're measuring themselves against. If everyone is a competitor, no one is really on your team." (pg. 126)
Think of the implications of that last sentence! Is that the kind of sad, lonely world we want to live in? I don't know about you, but I want to live in a world where I feel the strength and encouragement of having friends, loved ones, and possibly even strangers on my team. Even more than that, I want to be on their team - building them up, supporting and encouraging them. Yet, if I'm stuck comparing myself to them so that either they or I become the winner or loser, how can I?
"Once you see what self-objectification is and how it has impacted your life, you can't unsee it. Seeing it allows you to see more in yourself. It allows you to see the ideals and pressures causing you to look at yourself at the expense of being yourself." (pg. 127)
That's wwaaaaayyy too high an expense.
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Prior posts in this series -
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