Odds are high you've seen or heard these ideas:
"You're more beautiful than you think."
"All bodies are beautiful."
"Your flaws make you beautiful."
"All bodies are bikini bodies."
"Look better. Feel better."
Thoughts about which bodies are beautiful are expanding under the #bodypositivity #bopo movement. These ideas have gained some serious momentum in the last few years, which is wonderful in some ways. It's all about appreciating the look of your body and appreciating body diversity - both great things.
But if we look closely, we'll notice these ideas still keep the power squarely in the corner of appearance and, "We believe women are suffering not only because of the way beauty is being defined; we are suffering because we are being defined by beauty." (More Than a Body, pg 267)
If it's empowerment and improved self-image we're looking for, those slogans could use an update. How about this?
"You're more valuable than you might think."
"All bodies are valuable."
"Your 'flaws' make you you."
"All bodies are bikini bodies?" - "Yes, of course, every body is a bikini body if that's what you really want to wear, but why have so many of us bought into the idea that wearing a bikini means you love your body and that loving your body means you must wear a bikini? ... it might seem like bikini pics are the best way to demonstrate self-love and confidence. But we disagree. We want to let swimsuits be just that: items of clothing to wear in the water. Not badges of honor or tests of courage or proof of pride. Our swimsuits prove nothing about our body images, and they shouldn't have to. They're just swimsuits." (MTaB, pgs 272-274) Seriously, why do we give so much power to less than a yard of fabric?
"Look better. Feel better." We need to be careful with this idea. Can we feel good without looking better? If not, maybe what we need is some inner work, maybe even therapy - not weight loss, better make-up, contact lenses, or cosmetic surgery.
So, if #bodypositivity isn't enough, then what?
BODY NEUTRALITY
Face facts. We are simply not going to wake up every single day of the rest of our lives thinking we're beautiful, no matter how many body-positive accounts we follow on social media. And that's okay! It doesn't mean we're failures; it means we're human. You know what else it means? Maybe, just maybe, there's something more we could be reaching for that feeling beautiful.
"Body neutrality is the next generation of body image progress - a state of accepting and respecting your body as it is, prioritizing how you feel and what you do, rather than how you look. Body neutrality builds off what you already gained from body positivity, so you keep that helpful life preserver, but it is even more helpful because it also provides respite from self-objectification." (MTaB, pg 290)
In our culture that puts an almost inconceivable amount of emphasis on our appearance, it's no simple feat to come to a place of body neutrality. Here are some ideas from More Than a Body for skills we can develop to move us closer and closer to that peaceful place.
RESILIENCE SKILL SET
- See more in your disruptions. Let's be real. This culture of objectification isn't going away any time soon. So what can we do when it hits us and our body shame flares up? When our healthy body image is disrupted, we can use it as a trigger for exploration. First, notice the feeling, then question it. What's prompting it? Why did that trigger you? Are you blaming your body for things it isn't responsible for? Explore your disruptions, and you'll learn more about yourself and your culture instead of getting sucked into a spiral of self-doubt and negative thoughts.
- See more in your world. Any time is a good time to carefully and critically consider the sources that shaped your body image. Not in a blaming attitude that makes you a victim, but in an observational way that empowers you to clearly see and respond accordingly.
- See more in yourself. Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself you're more than a body and remember your greater purpose - whatever helps you find value and meaning in life.
- See more in others. See them with that same compassion. Remember, they're products of the same warped culture you are and are acting from their conditioning.
- See more in your health. Remind yourself of all the things your body can do. Seriously, make a list. Measure your health by how you feel.
- See more in your self-help. "If advice and strategies to improve your body image still point to a goal of 'feeling beautiful,' they might not be as transformative as you had hoped. Remember that self-help that relies on your objectification or how you are perceived by others isn't ultimately empowering or sustainable. No one else can bestow your value or take it away." (MTaB, pgs 305-306)
Now that we know that as helpful as it is, body positivity isn't our end goal, and we have a few skills to work on to take us toward body neutrality, next week we'll finish up this series with some straight talk about the reality that opting out of the fight to find our worth and our confidence through a broken system isn't a all a sunshine filled path of roses and unicorns. It's not easy. BUT, we'll also talk about what's on the other side that makes it oh, so worth walking that path.
Go grow!
If this post resonated with you, please consider sharing it to spread the word.
If you’d like to learn more about this topic, click HERE to book a session with me.
Prior posts in this series -
Comments